


The Way I See Him

by pinkstarpirate



Category: Free!
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 06:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2140692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkstarpirate/pseuds/pinkstarpirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke has kept his sexual preference for guys and his feelings for Rin a secret, but what happens when Rin catches Sousuke watching him in the shower?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way I See Him

**Author's Note:**

> I must start by thanking my friend, and moirail, Everlind. Thank you for being supportive of my writing and reading all the ridiculous amounts of fic ideas/summaries I send you. You help inspire me to write, and I appreciate that so much.
> 
> Note: This fic attempts to show Sousuke dealing with some pretty difficult internalized homophobia at one point. I try to make it so that it culturally appropriate to Japan (where homophobia reveals itself somewhat differently than in U.S.) But the important thing to note is that there is internalized homophobia in this fic, just a warning.

Sousuke brushes his hand over the back of his neck, rubbing out a sore muscle from sitting in class all day.  Classes have just ended, so Sousuke and Rin walk to their dorm together, Rin chatting at Sousuke the entire way.  Sousuke glances over at his friend and feels a familiar warmth as his face flushes.  It is just talking, so this kind of reaction irritates Sousuke.  Something like this shouldn't overwhelm him, and that is why Sousuke decides to ignore Rin.  The keyword there is that he _tries_.  

Sousuke isn't ignoring Rin to be mean, or because Rin is boring him - no, it is more complicated than that.  Sousuke tries to ignore Rin because these feelings for Rin have become too intense.  Rin digs too deeply inside him.  Sometimes Sousuke feels like he has split wide open for Matsuoka Rin.  Everything is right there on display, and to Sousuke, the truth it reveals is so obvious.  Sousuke knows one of these days Rin will turn around and say, “I know you want me,” in his matter-of-fact tone along with a cocky smirk.

Rin makes an exasperated sound; then moves in close and kicks Sousuke in the thigh gently with his knee.  It says, “ _Come on you, asshole, pay attention to me_.”  But it says it playfully, casually, and in the most friendly way possible.

“What was that for?” Sousuke asks, seemingly unaffected by Rin’s need for attention.  But internally, Sousuke tries to calm himself.  He always feels so shattered when Rin does stuff like that.  Not shattered in a bad way, mind you, but rather a warm, tipsy, and perhaps a slightly unhinged way.  Being shattered like that is worrisome, because Sousuke knows he might say something stupid to Rin.  Perhaps the truth.

“Did you hear a word I said?” Rin asks.  His tone is flat and he levels Sousuke with an annoyed look.  

Well of course Sousuke heard Rin, but he didn’t exactly absorb anything Rin had said.  Sousuke is too far away, on a self-imposed exile away from Rin and any accompanying feelings.

“Something about a barbeque at Nanase’s house?” Sousuke tries, because he did remember hearing about food.

Rin kicks him again, this time a little less playfully and with a little more sting.  “That was five minutes ago.” Rin says, and walks ahead, slinging the school bag he’d been carrying in his hand over one shoulder.

Sousuke feels bad for his purposeful obliviousness, but this is just self-preservation.  Lately Rin gets too close.  It is difficult for Sousuke to be around Rin.  Sousuke is afraid of what he might say, or do, in moments when Rin overwhelms him.  Sousuke dreads the possibility that one of Rin’s stupid kicks might start a round of roughhousing. How the hell would Sousuke handle that?  Sometimes all he wanted to do was touch Rin.  Sousuke knows how dangerous a little physical play could be with his best friend.

“Are you coming to the barbeque?  Did you make peace with Haru yet?” Rin asks over his shoulder.

Nope.  Making peace with Nanase is definitely one thing Sousuke has not done.  Sousuke, regretfully, has no patience for Rin’s relationships with the Iwatobi guys.

“I don’t think you want me there,” Sousuke grumbles.

Rin turns and gives his friend a wounded look.  “Of course I want you there,” but then his face hardens and he adds, “But only if you behave.”

Sousuke snorts and walks faster.  He beats Rin back to the dorm and opens the building’s front door.  He doesn’t hold it open for Rin, and it starts to close by the time Rin reaches it.

Sousuke still can’t figure out what exactly bothers him about Nanase.  He knows there is something, despite the lack of specificity.  Rin has explained the circumstances of that idiotic relay of theirs last year at Regionals time and time again, and Nanase seems like a genuinely okay guy, but the whole thing still rubs Sousuke the wrong way.  

Sousuke knows, at least deep down, that it might have to do with how he couldn’t save Rin.  Rin was broken when he left Sousuke for Iwatobi Elementary.  However, Rin was still broken when he left for Australia, and also when he left Australia to come back to Japan.  In every single instance Sousuke - Rin’s supposed best friend - was unable to help or fix him.

But Nanase did.  And Tachibana, and the others too.  They were able to carefully hold those broken shards together until Rin solidified into something whole again.  Sousuke had only been able to scatter the pieces further apart.  He still remembers when he tried to swim a relay with Rin.  It was an attempt to be what Rin needed, but instead Sousuke managed to insult the memory of Rin’s deceased father and push Rin further away.

Sousuke tries to tell himself that he was only a kid.  Nanase, Tachibana, and Hazuki hadn’t been able to fix Rin when they were kids either.  Rin still ran away to Australia.  Perhaps time had something to do with Rin’s eventual healing.  Perhaps if Sousuke would have been at Samezuka, instead of his prestigious Tokyo high school last year, he would have been the person to help Rin.  

Sousuke reaches the door to their room first, and this time he opens it and waits for Rin.  Rin makes his way down the hallway and gives Sousuke a frustrated look.

“We have to hurry or we are going to be late for practice,” Rin says as he brushes by Sousuke.  

As soon as the dorm room closes Rin starts to strip.  On Rin’s bed is his team jacket and pants, jammer, and a sports bag containing a pair of underwear, some personal care items, and a change of clothes.  The two of them could change out of their school uniform in the locker room if they wanted, but Rin hates how his uniform always gets wrinkled no matter how carefully he folded it before practice, so this year he and Sousuke use the short break between their last class and swim club practice to hurry back to the dorm and change.  

Sousuke often watches Rin when they change.  Rin is usually oblivious to Sousuke’s gaze, but even then Sousuke is careful with it.  Sousuke never lets his eyes linger too long.  He always knows just when to look away so it isn’t perceived as peeping.

“Would you hurry up?” Rin says and throws a pen at Sousuke’s head.  “It isn’t good for a captain to be late.

“I suppose it isn’t,” Sousuke says, but doesn’t change faster.  

Rin decides the best course of action to help his friend get his ass in gear is to just stand and glare.  Even when Sousuke strips off his uniform and underwear and puts on his jammer and a pair of sweat pants, Rin doesn’t blink.   

“You aren’t helping,” Sousuke finally says when he can’t take Rin staring at him anymore.  Rin doesn’t look away, he just crosses his arms.  Sousuke pulls on a t-shirt and jacket and grabs his practice bag.

Rin finally breaks eye contact and reaches for his own bag.  And Sousuke, who seconds before had been desperately wishing away his best friend’s stare, now wanted it back.  However, somewhere deep down Sousuke knows Rin had no desire to look at him in the same way Sousuke looks at Rin.

Sousuke doesn’t move until a persistent hand firmly presses into the small of his back, pushing him out of the room.  It is all Sousuke can do not to shiver as Rin doesn’t take it away, he just keeps herding Sousuke all the way out of the building.  

“I can walk on my own,” Sousuke complains.  He notices that his voice is tinged with notes of desperation.  “ _Rin_ ,”  it seems to say, “ _You don’t know what that does to me_.”

“Then walk,” Rin snarks back.  Rin is still oblivious and as soon as the two of them are out of the building he changes his pace to a brisk jog.  Sousuke matches Rin’s strides easily.  Falling into step and the two of them quickly make it over to the pool building.  

“Rin-senpai!” Momo shouts from across the building entrance, waving frantically at Rin.

Rin looks up and waves, and he greets several other members too.  Despite Sousuke having one of the fastest national times in the butterfly, and already being scouted by a collegiate team, most of the Samezuka guys seek out Rin’s attention instead of his.  Sure, Rin is the captain, but Sousuke is still a talent to be reckoned with.   

“Sousuke-senpai,” a light, tenor voice interrupts Sousuke’s thoughts.  Standing before him is Nitori Aiichirou.  “Would you possibly look at this?” Nitori asks nervously and thrusts a paper toward Sousuke.  

It is a very detailed workout regimen, and each step of the workout was written out and meticulously planned.

“Rin-senp...um, Rin already gave me the thumbs up, but I wanted to know if you thought I should add something else or change anything.”

Nitori refuses to give up on his dream of swimming the relay, perhaps because of the words Sousuke said to him that night on the stairs when Nitori was broken up about it.  Rin’s decree that both desire and time played key factors in being a member of any relay makes it possible for Nitori to still join the 4 x 100m medley at regionals if he trains hard enough.  

“No, this looks good as it is,” Sousuke says, giving Ai his approval.  “Just don’t push yourself too hard and injure yourself. This isn’t an easy regimen, especially since our team practices are going to get more brutal as we get closer to regionals.”

Nitori’s face turns serious and his mouth draws into a taut line.  He nods vigorously and takes his training regiment paper back from Sousuke.  “I won’t let you down, senpai,” Nitori tells him before heading toward the pool.  Momo spots Ai and immediately scampers off after him, like a puppy seeing his favorite toy.  Sousuke hopes that perhaps Momo will partake in extra training with Nitori.  His position on the 4 x 100m medley relay is still tenuous, despite his good showing at the prefectural tournament, Uozumi had expressed interest in earning his place back on the relay.

When Sousuke turns back around he sees Rin looking right at him, grinning fiercely.  “Thanks for that,” Rin tells Sousuke.  “Ai really respects your opinion.”

It hits Sousuke so hard.  He returns Rin’s smirk with a wide smile of his own.  It is an unguarded expression, but he can’t help himself.  Rin just does this to him.  And then Rin goes and makes it worse when he gets close and knocks his knee against Sousuke’s gently.  Sousuke fights the urge to sling an arm around Rin’s shoulders.  

Rin and Sousuke quickly go into the locker room and toss their bags onto one of the shelves and strip to their jammers.  Rin brings an outline of today’s practice and a whistle.  He blows it once to get everyone’s attention and then shouts, “Okay, let’s get started.”

\-----

The practice runs a little long.  By the time they are done Sousuke is starving.  His stomach is rumbling and letting itself be known.  Rin is still out by the pool helping Ai and Momo, who both want a little extra coaching from their captain.  Sousuke is fully dressed when Rin comes into the locker room.  

“Sorry, sorry,” Rin apologies as he rushes toward his bag.  He grabs a towel and hurries into the showers.  

Usually Rin showers in his jammers, but because he is in a hurry he strips out of them.  It is only him and Sousuke in the locker room at this point anyway.  Sousuke isn’t complaining.  As Rin’s roommate, Sousuke sees Rin naked quite a bit, but there is something about the post-practice adrenaline and being in the shower room that makes it a bit different.  In their room it is always just a peak.  A flash of skin, a momentary blip of Rin’s cock as he quickly pulls up his boxers, but this is different.  This is Rin, naked, sweat dripping from his body, as he flips on the shower along the open wall and soaps himself up.  

“You should have seen Momo,” Rin says loudly so Sousuke can hear him over the spray of water.  Rin pumps some shampoo out the bottle attached to the shower wall and scrubs it into his hair.  “He was determined to fix that damned turn of his.  And he couldn’t get it right, but he didn’t give up.  It looks more solid now, and hopefully it’ll keep getting better.  His times will be very competitive at regionals if he fixes his turns.”

The showers take up a large area of the locker room and is sectioned off behind a partial glass wall.  There are several partitioned stalls at the end, and a row of open showerheads at the closest side.  Rin usually uses the partitions, just like he usually showers in his jammer, but today it seems he is trying to undo Sousuke in every possible way.  

Sousuke can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty as he watches Rin scrub downward toward his abdomen and then as he quickly washes his groin and cock.  Rin’s body is angled just right so that Sousuke can see him, but it is also dangerous, because it is this moment that Rin chooses to quickly shift around to wash the soap from his back, and he sees.  Rin sees Sousuke intently watching him shower.  He sees the interest, Sousuke knows he does, because it is so barefaced and obvious that Rin would have to be stupid not to see it.  

Rin is not stupid.

Rin slowly turns back around.  He doesn’t say anything.  He finishes the motions of the shower, rinses his hair clean, and grabs for his towel.  Sousuke, caught, finds the decency to turn his head away as Rin towels himself dry and then wraps the towel around his waist.

Rin comes back into the main area and grabs his practice bag, taking out his change of clothes.  He pulls his underwear up under the towel, not exposing himself to Sousuke this time.  Sousuke feels more embarrassed now than the moment when Rin caught him watching him in the shower.

Sousuke wants to say something, but what if he makes it worse?  What if Rin is willing to pretend that none of the last few minutes happened, but Sousuke goes and ruins that by bringing it up?  

The silence terrifies Sousuke.  Every second that ticks by make him think that Rin will surely never speak to him again.  He’ll hate him.  Rin will hate Sousuke just because Sousuke dared to like Rin.  Because he likes men.  

Rin speaks very softly when he finally asks, “Where do you want to eat tonight?  The cafeteria or somewhere else?”

Relief rushes into Sousuke, because Rin doesn’t sound mad or grossed out, maybe just a bit embarrassed.  Sousuke lets out the breath he’d been holding since Rin turned around in the shower, and gives his friend a small smile and a shaky laugh.  The relief is heavy and it hurts, but feels great at the same time.  The thing Sousuke isn’t ready for is how the relief builds and builds until he is almost shaking.  Rin still wants to go eat with him.  Rin doesn’t yell, or call him names, he just asks what Sousuke wants to eat.

It is difficult for Sousuke to understand why Rin doesn’t seem to be perturbed by him.  There was a boy Sousuke liked at his Tokyo school, and he had confessed.  The boy never told Sousuke’s secret to anyone else, but he had rejected Sousuke in this quiet, yet hateful way.  Sousuke is sure the only thing that saved him from that boy telling everyone else on the team was the boy didn’t want any association with Sousuke.

Sousuke absently wonders if Australia is kinder to people like him than Japan is.  Japan tends to be a place where many men believe two men together are disgusting and it is looked down upon.  At least that is the Japan Sousuke has experienced.  Also, being gay is not something you discussed.  If you were gay, you were discrete.  You didn’t flaunt it, because Japan isn’t like America with their big parades Sousuke read about, or Europe where gay marriage is possible in many countries.  In Japan, being gay is your burden.  Sousuke feels very embarrassed, because he never meant for Rin to catch him.  He did not mean to give that knowledge, that responsibility, to Rin.

Sousuke’s hands don’t stop shaking and he pulls them together, wringing them mindlessly.  He tries to swallow down the thick, choked feeling in the back of his throat.  His eyes focus on the floor in front of his feet.  He forces his gaze downward so he won’t have to look at Rin, because he wants to look anywhere but at Rin right now.  Sousuke doesn’t even realize, until Rin sits down on the bench and swipes his thumbs across Sousuke’s cheeks, that he is crying.  

When Ai and Momo burst into the locker room moments later laughing and chattering at one another, Rin looks right at them and in a commanding voice orders them out.  Sousuke hears as the two younger boys start to argue, but Rin tells them to go and take a few more laps in the pool.  Both of them are confused, but Rin is stern as he shouts, “Go!” and they go.

Sousuke’s hands are still clenched tightly together when Rin lays his on top.  Sousuke’s eyes jump to them, and watch as Rin’s fingers try to work his fingers apart.  

“Are you...um...are you okay?” Rin asks.  

Rin isn’t good at this.  Sousuke is the one who always checks in with Rin, gets him to spill his feelings.  Rin tries to reciprocate from time to time, but it usually ends in yelling or awkward silences until Rin turns and teasingly knees Sousuke until he smiles instead.  

“I’m…” and Sousuke thinks about it, and he even manages a slight smile.  “I’m okay.  And...I’m sorry.”

Even that small apology is hard to say.  Talking about any of this is difficult.  Just as Rin isn’t good in the role of comforter, Sousuke isn’t prepared to open up and be comforted. It isn’t in his nature. Part of Sousuke wants to apologize for having these kinds of feelings about Rin, and Sousuke is even struck with the overwhelming need to apologize for being gay.  The wrongness of that thought settles in the pit of Sousuke’s stomach and rips at him.  Sousuke realizes how unfair that sentiment is, and it stabs him painfully, making it hard to breathe.  Why does he feel the need to apologize for who he is?

Rin gives up on unlocking Sousuke’s tight, white-knuckled  fingers from each other and brushes a fresh round of tears off of Sousuke’s face.  Sousuke can’t even remember the last time he cried before this, but he can’t seem to make himself stop.  

“I didn’t know,” Rin whispers.

“Well, you do now,” Sousuke manages to choke out.  “I’m gay.”

Sousuke must have said it with extra venom, because Rin kicks him.  Not the usual knee kick, but a foot straight to Sousuke’s shin.  “Stop that,” Rin says flatly.  “I don’t give a shit, so stop it.”

Doesn’t give a shit?  Like Rin doesn’t care if Sousuke is gay?  Or like he doesn’t want Sousuke to talk about it because it bothers him?  Sousuke isn’t sure which it is.  He isn’t, that is, until Rin leans in.  

Rin presses his forehead to Sousuke’s and wipes the last of the tears away.  Then Rin shifts.  Rin tilts his head until their noses barely brush.  There is a pause, a second, barely a beat, just enough time for Rin to take a shaky breath, and then there are lips against Sousuke’s lips.  They are warm and dry and Sousuke feels Rin’s slight, nervous trembling.  

Rin’s hands find his again and this time Sousuke releases his fingers to Rin, who tugs Sousuke’s hands into his own.  Sousuke has to pull away from the kiss to take a breath, but Rin’s mouth chases after him, and soon they are kissing again, mouths moving slowly against each other this time.

Sousuke almost loses his composure, because he never imagined a kiss could feel this nice.  It is like every single one of the feelings he had crushed deep down inside of himself were now unearthed and taking flight.  And the one feeling that seems to overwhelm him is relief.  Sousuke had expected some hateful reaction, he expected to be rejected, but instead Rin gave him acceptance. In fact, it is better than acceptance, because it seems to be mutual.

Finally, the two young men pull apart, both breathing heavily with kiss-bruised mouths.  Rin grins shamelessly at Sousuke, cocky to a fault, and asks, “I’m a good kisser, right?”

The knee-jerk reaction Sousuke has is to tell Rin that, meh, he’s had better, despite this being his first kiss.  However, it doesn’t seem like the time for jokes, especially after the kindness Rin has given him.  Sousuke nods, and raises an eyebrow.  “I guess…”

Rin barks an amused laugh and punches at Sousuke’s shoulder.  “You guess? Screw you!  Fine, no more kissing for you, let’s go get supper.”

Sousuke can’t help but pout, and Rin knees him in his normal, playful way in response, laughing and teasing him.  And Sousuke knows because of that, no matter what happens after this point, they’ll be fine.

As they are leaving, Momo and Ai wearily drag themselves into the locker room once again.  “Rin-senpai, we did it, can we please go get changed and go to supper now?”

Rin motions them both inside, stopping Nitori just long enough to ruffle his hair.  “I’m proud of you two,” he calls back to his younger teammates as he steps out of the locker room.  When Sousuke and Rin step outside into the humid summer night, Rin turns to Sousuke and softly pokes a finger into Sousuke’s side.  “I’m proud of you too, you know.”

Sousuke doesn’t really know what Rin is proud of him for, but he takes the compliment, because it makes his heart soar to know Rin is proud of him.  Sousuke’s lips quirk into a tiny smile and he just says, “Same,” to Rin.  

“Hey, asshole,” Rin says, as he positions himself to gently bump sidelong into Sousuke, “Don’t be so vague.”  Sousuke likes this nearly full body contact almost as much as those kicks Rin famously does to him.  

He returns the gesture, gently body checking Rin, and simply says, “Nope.”

“Jerk,” Rin says and repeats his earlier movement, bumping his entire side, hip to shoulder, into Sousuke.

“Pest,” Sousuke calls back as he playfully shoves his body right back into Rin.  And Sousuke realizes he is smiling, broad and unguarded.  Sousuke had restrained himself so much around Rin since coming to Samezuka, locking up his newfound contentment beneath a mask of indifference.  The idea that this kind of naked happiness could be so freeing never occurred to him.  

Sousuke’s hand brushes Rin’s, but he doesn’t know how Rin would feel if he actually tried to hold hands, so he just allows their them to brush up against one another, fingers touching ever so briefly as they walk toward the cafeteria.  They must be walking slowly, because soon there is the thunder of footsteps behind them and Momo is hurrying, dragging Ai behind him yelling “Senpai!  Senpai wait for us!”

Rin sighs, but he stops and waits.  Sousuke sighs deeper and waits with Rin.  Sometimes Mikoshiba Momotarou is a blessing, but then there are times, like right now, that he is more of a curse.  At least Nitori is with him, completely out of breath and looking just as annoyed with his roommate as the rest of them.  

“Rin-senpai,” Momo begins excitedly, “I did five more perfect turns after you threw us out of the locker room.”  Momo beams at Rin, waiting for the praise he is so sure he earned.  

Rin just nods, acknowledging Momo, but not too much.  Giving Momo too much attention is the same as asking to be stalked at practice for the next week.  

After the group of them enter the dining hall, Rin and Nitori go off together to a different food line, and Sousuke and Momo make it through their line faster.  Sousuke and Momo find a table big enough for the four of them to sit and wait for Rin and Nitori to join them.  Momo is still smiling and talking non-stop about swimming and his turns and he asks question after question about technique.  Sousuke barely notices when Momo’s pitch and volume drop.

“Um, Sousuke-senpai, I know it’s probably not my business, but are you doing okay?  I saw you were upset earlier.”

This kid.  This fucking kid.  Sousuke isn’t actually mad at Momo.  No, he is touched that Momo cares.

“I’m fine.” Sousuke says, unable to hide the slight annoyance in his voice.  It is more from the embarrassment of knowing that Ai and Momo probably saw him crying.

Momo, maintaining his hushed, serious tone, just says, “I know that I’m just an underclassman, but if you ever need a friend…” and Momo lets his words trail off there and starts right back up with his more useless chatter a few beats later.  Rin brings a tray over and sets it next to Momo, Ai sits next to Sousuke, and the four eat and chat.  It takes Momo twice as long to eat as everyone else, because he talks endlessly in that excited, exasperating way of his.

Nitori is the first to leave.  He apologizes, but he has to get started on his new workout regimen now or he’ll never finish before the dorm curfew.  Momo is next, who is excited to have some alone time in his dorm room while Nitori is off doing his personal training.  Rin suggests, in a completely non-subtle way, that perhaps Momo could benefit from additional training as well.  And as much as Momo looks like this burden might kill him, he nods and says, “Okay, senpai, I will,” and adds a quick, “but not tonight,” as he makes a break for it and scampers off toward their dorm.  

“That...ugh.  Momo is going to drive me insane,” Rin says as he leans back in his chair.  The cafeteria will close soon, but Rin makes it clear he plans on sitting with Sousuke and their empty dishes until staff kicks them out.  

Rin’s bumps his foot against Sousuke’s under the table.  Sousuke returns the kicks, rolling his eyes at himself as he and Rin play footsie. 

“Do you have homework tonight?” Rin asks.

Sousuke didn’t, so he just shakes his head no. “Are you going to go for your run tonight?” Sousuke asks in return.

Rin also shakes his head no.  “I did it this morning, remember?  It is still supposed to rain this evening, and I hate running in the rain.”  

Sousuke laughs, because he knows whenever Rin went running in the rain, he always returned looking very much like an angry, drowned cat.  The rain never bothered Sousuke much; quite the opposite, since rain always seemed to help clear his mind.

A kitchen staff comes up to their table and without saying a word, points at a wall clock, indicating that the dining hall was now closed.  “Let’s go,” Rin says as he picks up their trays and takes them over to a conveyer belt to be bussed.  

When the two of them step out of the cafeteria the air is thick and humid, there is a distinct haze of moisture around them.  Rin huffs when the first raindrops start to fall and he starts walking faster.  Sousuke, who usually matches Rins pace, drops behind, enjoying the wetness washing down over him.

“Oh come on!” Rin whines, turning to glare at Sousuke.  

There is a flash of lightning and a crack of thunder just before it starts to rain in earnest.  Rin looks completely flustered as the rain drenches him.  The raindrops are big and fat, and the sound of them falling on the pavement and buildings builds to a dull roar.

Sousuke, much to Rin’s chagrin, stops walking and just watches Rin.  Sousuke fully expects Rin to turn around and make a break for the dorm, but he doesn’t.  Despite his disdain for the rain, Rin gives a shy smile and wipes the hair that is plastered to his forehead out of his face.

Sousuke wants to kiss him so badly.  He glances around and there is no one else out.  Who else other than himself and Rin, two bonafide morons, would be out in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“We should get inside before we get struck by lightning,” Rin says.  He almost sounds melancholy at the mention of heading inside.

When Sousuke finally moves, and hurries to Rin’s side.  The two of them race to the dorm, the rain pounding down around them.  Sousuke smiles, because Rin laughs the entire way back.  It is the best sound - warm and comforting.   

The two of them are sopping wet, and the person staffing the desk where guests check in glares as they leave puddles of water on the floor in their wake.  

“Sorry,” Rin apologizes as he and Sousuke hurry back to their room.

Inside Sousuke tosses his bag down and peels off his jacket and drops it on the floor next to his practice bag.  The jacket makes a wet schwick sound as it hits the floor.  Next, Sousuke takes off his t-shirt, and laughs as it kind of gets stuck when he tries to pull it over his head.

“Playing in the rain was a bad idea,” Sousuke says, a wide grin on his face as the t-shirt is added to the pile of wet clothing.  Rin also drops his shirt and jacket in the same pile.

Topless, but still wearing his wet sweatpants, Rin reaches over to his closet and grabs two towels. Sousuke doesn’t outright stare, because even after their moment earlier, Sousuke isn’t sure how appreciative Rin would be of that.  Rin takes the first towel and presses it to his hair, wringing the water out.  Sousuke goes to get a towel of his own, but Rin takes his second one and reaches up and drapes it over Sousuke’s head.

Sousuke can barely breath as Rin dries his hair, body close to his and them both still wet.  Hell, the two of them are making a rather impressive puddle on the floor, and Sousuke knows that he is rainsoaked down to his underwear.  Rin, whose own towel is still around his neck, finally seems satisfied with Sousuke’s hair and moves to blotting rainwater from Sousuke’s bare chest.  

Sousuke’s face heats as he flushes from embarrassment, and he has no doubt that he is red from his cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears.  “I can do that,” he mumbles, but without much authority, so Rin doesn’t stop.  He dries Sousuke’s chest and arms, and even his abdomen, and the entire time Rin doesn’t make eye contact.

Sousuke worries about the lack of eye contact for only a short moment though, because after pat-drying Sousuke’s arm, Rin reaches out and takes Sousuke’s hand his his.  And then Sousuke recognizes the expression on Rin’s face, because just like him, Rin is embarrassed. There is a distinct blush creeping up over Rin’s cheeks, and Sousuke breaths a small, relieved laugh.

“You’re still drenched,” he says and releases Rin’s hand in order to grab the towel around Rin’s neck.  

Sousuke dries Rin in the same, careful way that Rin dried him off.  He uses the towel to pat down Rin’s rain-slicked bare chest, his arms, his shoulders.  Rin’s hands reach out and urge Sousuke to drop the towel onto the pile with the rest of the wet clothes, and then he leans in and kisses Sousuke.  Sousuke chokes a little on a breath, hiccuping slightly against Rin’s mouth.  Rin makes it so hard to breathe.  Rin just laughs and wraps his hands around Sousuke’s waist, pulling him closer.  

Sousuke returns this gesture.  He wraps one hand around Rin’s neck, and he uses the other to cup Rin’s face, holding his friend firmly in place as he kisses Rin hard.  Sousuke wants Rin to feel the same dizzying rush he feels.  This feeling is better than winning regionals last year, better than getting scouted, and even better than that first reassuring kiss Rin had given him.  This kiss is hungry and filled with every deep-seated emotion Sousuke has been too scared to admit.  

Sousuke growls as he licks into Rin’s mouth, and Rin answers him with a quiet moan.  Rin’s breath stutters as Sousuke pulls back just enough, and encourages Rin to give back as good as he has gotten.  Sousuke can feel Rin smirk against his lips just before Rin presses his tongue into Sousuke’s mouth.  The kiss becomes almost competitive, and Rin drags Sousuke closer, their bare chests pressed flush against one another.  Sousuke’s only thought is he never believed drowning could feel this good.

After a few moments, Rin changes the pace of the kiss, slowing it down.  Sousuke, not one for holding back, tries to make Rin return to the deep, fast kisses, but then acquiesces.  Rin’s fingers rub small, absent-minded circles into the skin of Sousuke’s back.  The kiss is so gentle now.  Rin’s mouth is barely pressed to Sousuke’s mouth, and Sousuke can’t help the sound he makes, something more akin to a soft sob than a moan.  This barely-there kiss is more overwhelming than that bruising kiss could have ever been. 

“Shhhh,” Rin shushes Sousuke as they break apart.  He reaches back in for one more soft kiss.

Sousuke takes a shaky breath, knowing that yes, even though he doesn’t want to stop, they probably should stop for now.  When Sousuke finally takes a look at Rin, he first notices that Rin isn’t wearing his normal cocky smirk, but rather a soft smile, one that Sousuke returns.  

“I’m going to take a shower,” Rin says.  “Or I’m going to end up smelling like those stagnant ponds over by the administration building.”

Sousuke nods.  “Okay,” he says, still struggling to regain his bearings.  “You can go ahead.  I think I’ll...wait till your done.”   

Sousuke doesn’t think he can control himself around a naked Rin any more today.  With as little control as he had at the moment, Sousuke would probably make the very bad decision of trying to share a shower with Rin, and the gossip that might cause if they got caught would not be good for either of them.  Sousuke turns around to give Rin privacy.  Sousuke hears as Rin slips out of his pants and underwear and wraps a towel around himself, grabs his shower caddy, and leaves the room.

When Rin returns, Sousuke leaves and makes his way to the showers.  He takes a very long, hot shower, and he lets himself get lost in thoughts of kissing Rin again.  Sousuke remembers the feel of Rin’s mouth on his, Rin's body flush against his body.  Sousuke decides it might be best to take care of his body’s reaction to these memories before going back to his room.

Sousuke returns after his shower feeling more grounded and clear-headed.  Rin, a roommate who has always been tidy, has cleaned up the water mess while Sousuke was in the shower.

“Thanks,” Sousuke says, motioning to the dry floor and the wet clothes properly discarded into their appropriate hampers.  

Rin is laying on his bed, reading a bodybuilding magazine, and he looks up and say, “Yeah, sure,” and adds, “No problem,” in English - his stupidly perfect, beautiful English.

Sousuke raises an eyebrow at Rin, but goes over to his closet and puts on a tank top and a pair of boxers and drops his towel into the hamper.  He turns back around to find, in a surprising twist of events, Rin carefully watching him, and there is no mistaking the interest in Rin’s gaze.

Sousuke, being the ass that he is, says, “See anything you like?”  

Rin answers in a joking tone, “Maybe.” and then adds, in English again, “You and your stupid perfect body.”

Sousuke walks over and sits on the mattress beside Rin, and then leans down and whispers in Rin’s ear, “Your body isn’t too bad either.”

Rin responds by smooshing the palm of his hand into Sousuke’s face and pushing him away while laughing.  “Stop it, you are embarrassing yourself!  Trying to be some smooth-talker,” Rin complains, but Sousuke also sees how hard Rin is blushing.

Sousuke grabs a magazine of his own and flops down beside Rin on the bottom mattress.  They read for a little bit, but turning in early sounds good too.  The two of them train relentlessly, so both Sousuke and Rin think of extra sleep as a luxury.  

Sousuke stands to turn off the light, and then goes to climb up the ladder to his bunk.  Rin reaches out and catches the hem of Sousuke’s tank top and tugs him back down.

Sousuke gives Rin a questioning look, but neither of them can see the other well in the dim light.  “What?” Sousuke asks softly.

“Just…” Rin says, and Sousuke can tell Rin is flustered.  “Just get in.”

“Get in?” Sousuke asks, unsure of what Rin is trying to say.

Rin pulls back his blanket and scoots over so there is space in his bed.  “Just get in with me.  We can share the bottom.”

Sousuke tries to stop the grin from forming on his lips, but he fails miserably. He makes his way back to Rin’s bed and crawls in.  Rin usually sleeps on his side facing the wall, and as Rin shifts into his normal sleeping position, Sousuke mirrors it behind him.  Rin tenses for just a moment.  Sousuke slings an arm around Rin’s chest and slides his other arm under Rin’s head and pillow.

“Are we fucking spooning?” Rin asks, his tone slightly exasperated.

“I’m the big spoon,” Sousuke points out to Rin.

“You’re the big idiot,” Rin replies, but he is obviously teasing.  Sousuke knows it is fine when Rin relaxes back against Sousuke’s body and the two of them drift off to sleep.

 

 


End file.
